I am trying to not let the anger and negativity seep into my every thought and my sensing of the world. I went and saw my psychologist who I did not fully trust prior to yesterday and definitely do not trust now. Her complete brushing off my paragraphs of me trying to understand my experience as ‘over-complicating things’ was almost comical if I didn’t feel like my words had no meaning . I am now just going to rely on my own knowledge and do my dbt board game and do my schema workbook and oh my god can I really only rely on myself, will no one take share in my pain, even if I pay them
Let me make myself complicated and hurt and imperfect
“What’s true of both the crisis situation and the daily situation is that at any given moment, you can only ever actually be doing one thing. The problem is that in everyday life we stress ourselves out – spurred on by economic forces, of course – by trying to do more than one thing; wondering if whatever we’re doing is the right thing; and driving ourselves ever harder because we’ve got one eye on all the other things we feel we need to fit in by Friday afternoon. In the end, the only point of any personal productivity system, goal-setting technique or “life planning” exercise is to help you make a slightly better decision about what to do, right now, so you can mentally put everything else to one side for the time being and immerse yourself in that one thing. Which explains the extraordinary efficacy of a method that’s so embarrassingly simple I hesitate to mention it, but which never fails to deliver me from procrastination or grouchiness to clarity: 1. Think of something it would be worthwhile to do right now, without any expectation that you know what might be “best”. (And don’t forget that it could be “take a nap”!) 2. Write it down. 3. Do that thing. 4. Cross it out. 5. Go back to 1., writing the next thing underneath the one you just crossed out. Repeat (forever). And just to spell it out: the point here isn’t “stop multitasking and focus on one thing, and you’re a bad person if you don’t!” Rather, it’s that (with a few technical exceptions) you never actually are multitasking to begin with. Instead, you’re just anxiously switching your attention rapidly between things – because you’re not sure which one’s more urgent, and/or because you think you’ll get them done quicker that way, which is almost never true.”
“I didn’t realize [the dress] was so transparent. This is the flash effect of the photographer’s camera. If I had known, I would not [have] put knickers!”
